EXCUSE ME: The grammar queen

// Odd | EXCUSE ME: The grammar queen
Email to a friend Plain text Print version // Font size: Decrease font Enlarge font

While our first lady is out there bulldozing territories and taking no prisoners, people are busy laughing and forwarding BB, Facebook and YouTube messages of her grammatical carpet bombing to each other. Keep laughing all of you that think the Dame is grammatically lame and a better national comedian than an ambassador that can’t sing the national anthem. If you think she is too uncouth to be our next first lady, keep laughing while she undauntedly bludgeons her way to victory.

I am not a student of politics, but I doubt if extracting her special brand of rhetoric will move this iroko-woman from her current position as the First Lady of Nigeria come April. And for Nigerians who are sick and tired of PDP’s monstrosity, giggling at the Dame’s ‘broken bottle’ is not going to stop them from driving this molue called Nigeria into the Lagoon.

Moreover, having watched the recent NN24 presidential debate a.k.a. ‘The Wind That Blew Feathers off the Chicken’s Yansh’, I am sure many of you would have seen that it is not only her that has issues with the foreign language. We all saw some speak as if they were haggling goat meat at Ekpoma Market, and others chew the language as if it was a piece of hot cocoyam.

Believe me, if it were to be the Dame that was invited to a televised debate, she would not jet off to some unimportant neighbouring country to take cover and avoid a golden opportunity to push her manifesto. In fact, if it was politically expedient for her, she would have said “Jojo darling, let I go and showed them. I know the lady that are interviewing us and our opponents is once a children; I can mishandle them.” And by now, none of us would be thinking that Shekarau should go straight to Harvard and lecture Political Debates Articulation 101, if he doesn’t win the presidential election.

If I tell you I have not cringed at some of the Dame’s choice of words during public speeches, which sometimes are comparable to a man wearing a custom’s shirt on police trousers, I would be lying. But through her entire lexis and structure comedy, I have also seen a solid woman – no pun intended, please – building a formidable grass roots base and garnering supporters for her husband.

This brings me to the issue of the other women, the other presidential aspirants’ wives. Where are they in this whole political drama unfolding round their husbands? Shouldn’t they be marching and publicly campaigning like the Dame? I am very anxious to experience the Michelle Obama in the ‘refined’ breeds. I am interested in witnessing their finesse that will make the Ozigono market woman vote for their husbands, the Queen’s English that will sway the Abonima woman to cast her vote to unseat a pilfering behemoth party. Staying behind the scene and waiting for their husbands to kill the elephant before bringing out their stainless steel cutlery in state dinners is not going to move this caterpillar campaigner. Many voters are waiting to relate with the other wives, but they are hiding either behind hijabs or away in some country following their husband’s campaign via BlackBerry messenger. Or better still, laughing at the affable ‘Umblerra’ woman’s grammatical explosions.

If you don’t want to hear the Dame referring to orphans as widows in the next four years – roll up that designer skirt, drop that LV bag you are hauling around in Dubai, remove your high-heels and hit the ground running like the Grammar Queen. And while you are at it, save your ‘pepperless’ English and speak what majority of the Nigerian people will understand. And if you don’t understand me, check the statistics of Nigeria’s literacy figures and go figure. FYI, the Dame’s Sozaboy-meets-Zebrudaya kind of English is just perfect for a very large percentage of voters. Those that speak Oxford-type English are analyzing the risk of attending political rallies in their cosy offices and homes or thinking of jetting out of the country come April.

Why do I find the first lady’s antics intriguing? Because I myself was ‘once a children’ in the village and I can relate with her type – they don’t give up to a mere handicap. She belongs to a breed that is not easily intimidated by hecklers. In short, the fuel that galvanizes them comes from people’s jests.

I have seen women like her ‘bought’ their husband’s fights and rub men’s noses on the ground. I have seen women like her throw away their wrapper, left with only obeniku and fight assailants to a standstill, regardless of who is laughing. They are the type that stand solidly behind their husbands and help them build palaces and castles. And, in my place, such women are called Ojekwebhudu. If you ask me, I think Jonathan’s better luck is marrying Patience, because we now know that her outspokenness compensates heavily for our president’s quietness.

I laud our double-barrel-shot-gun-campaigner, our grammar queen, the superstar of our new curfew, the dame, the Okrika amazonian first lady – because according to her immortal words to Nigerians both home and abroad, especially those that have dual-nationality, “We should have love for our fellow Nigerians irrespective of their nationality.”

Tagged : 2014 World Cup, Egypt Army Overthrows President Mohamed Morsi

Headlines Newsview all

Pastor Chris Oyakhilome Says Many Pastors Will Go To Hell

Founder and head pastor of Believers Love World, popularly known as Christ Embassy, Chris Oyakhilome left members of his church shocked with his revelation while ... Full story

Ebola scare: Passengers quarantined at Scottish Airport after 10-year-old Nigerian passenger became ill

 Shocked airline passengers were recovering following a terrifying ebola scare which saw them quarantined for 90 minutes at a Scottish Airport yesterday, Mailonline reported.More than ... Full story

Fulani clash with Eggon youths in Nasarawa State leaves 17 dead

No fewer than 17 people were killed on Sunday night during a clash between suspected Eggon youths and their Fulani counterparts in  Alingani Fadaman Bauna, ... Full story

Nigerian soldiers flee Boko Haram insurgents, take refuge in Cameroon

About 480 Nigerian soldiers have fled into Cameroon following fierce fighting with Boko Haram insurgents. The Cameroonian Army Spokesman, Lt Col Didier Badjek, who confirmed this, ...

Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau declares Gwoza as headquarters for a new Islamic caliphate in Nigeria

Abubakar Shekau, the mercurial leader of Nigeria’s Islamist group, Boko Haram, on Sunday released a video in which he declares the areas under his sect’s ...

Boko Haram Leader Shekau Releases Gruesome Video Showing Fleeing Soldiers And Killings Of Civilians

Boko Haram leader, Abubakar Shekau has released a new video yesterday, where he showed how innocent civilians were murdered. The video also shows how soldiers ...

Presidency denies Jonathan flown to Germany for medical attention

The Presidency on Sunday said there was no truth in media reports that President Goodluck Jonathan was flown to Germany on Friday for medical attention. Special ...

DSS asks Nigerians to watch out for female suicide bombers dressed as nuns

The Department of State of State Service (DSS) has warned that terrorists may be planning to attack in a different way after 13 pieces of ...

Blessing Egbe - Single and married women in Nollywood sleep around to get to the top

It isn’t really clear what prompted Blessing to take to twitter recently to vent her frustration over what she considered as the promiscuous and wanton ...

Toyin Lawani Vows To Torment Tonto Dike Until She Pays $15,000 Debt

Nollywood Actress, Tonto Dikeh reportedly owes Toyin Lawani of Tiannah Styling a lump sum of $15,000. According to reports, the former besties have been engaging ...

Parents of the Kidnapped Chibok Girls Perform Funeral Rites For Missing School Girls

It has been four months since the unfruitful search for the abducted girls; as a result they have presumed the girls are dead. This position was ...

Comment on: EXCUSE ME: The grammar queen

Rate this article

0

Featured author

Paula Obiewkwe

Breaking News

WHY I DON’T HAVE CHURCH BRANCHES EVERYWHERE– T.B. JOSHUA

Nigerian Prophet T.B. Joshua has opened up as to why his church does not have foreign branches despite his popularity abroad.The cleric, who spoke on ...

Top 5 Reasons Why Jim Iyke is Too Much...And We Love It!

Jim Iyke Jim Iyke (James Ikechukwu Esomugha) is a Nigerian actor and singer-songwriter. He is one of the highest paid Nollywood actors and has featured in ...

I Don’t Take Stimulants Before Performance—Felix Duke

Music they say ‘is the food of the soul’ and as such, every singer wants to be at his or her best at every show ...

John Dumelo Advises Fans

Top Ghanaian actor, John Dumelo has taken to his social media page to render advice to his fans who are bothered about what people say ...

Lagos OAP, Tosyn Bucknor Goes About With Walk Stick

Barely a month since On-Air-Personality, Tosyn Bucknor, was involved in an accident in her home, which made her have a dislocation; the popular radio presenter ...

Sheyi Shay Acquires New Ride

Nigerian singer, Seyi Shay has been blessed with a Hyundai ix35 SUV.The singer announced the acquisition on her social media page and boasted of its ...

Yoruba Actress, Tola Ayeni Relocates To South Africa; Throws Lavish Party

Nigeriafilms.com can confirm that well known Yoruba actress-cum-producer, Adetola Ayeni, popularly known as Tola Ayeni, has left the shores of Nigeria to find solace in ...

Celebrity Birthday: Yvonne Jegede Adds Another Year

Sexy dark skinned Nollywood actress, Yvonne Jegede is a year older today, Monday, August 25, 2014.Recall that in 2007, the actress left the scene to ...

Germany beats Nigeria to win FIFA U-20 World Cup

Germany have won the FIFA U-20 Women's World Cup for a record-equalling third time after a hard-fought 1-0 win over Nigeria at Montreal's Olympic Stadium.Lena ...

Actor Soji Omo Banke In Hot Romance With Taye Taiwo’s Elder Sister

Soji Taiwo, aka Omo Banke is one of most sought-after Yoruba actors in the movie industry. Though, he came into limelight a few years back, ...