It is difficult for women living in sexless marriages
Typically we hear from men that their wives are not interested in sex or that they complain of the frequency, but what happens when it is the woman?
For women that are in this type of situation it is a difficult topic talk about. The concept of a man not wanting to have sex with his wife or girlfriend is still taboo. Women suffer in silence over the pain that they feel, as well as the husbands that are involved. This article is about reasons why a husband does not want to have sex with his wife, but as you read the heart felt comments throughout, many times we can see how different men and women really do think.
Possible reasons why men are not wanting sex
The concept of a woman not getting enough sex from her husband is a lot more taboo, but not as uncommon as one may think. The reason that this subject is not touched upon nearly as much as a man not getting enough sex from his wife is because women can go for months or years in sexless marriages.
There is more of a social stigma put on a woman whose husband does not want to have sex with her than the other way around. She may take it personally and feel as though there is something wrong with her instead of openly taking about it and getting some help.
As our society continues to evolve with technology, men and women are on more of an equal playing field in all areas of life. The day where the man brought home the money and the women watched the children, is not the average. The male dependence by the female for protection and providing is no longer an issue. Men and women can equally take care of themselves and in some homes women have taken over the financial responsibly or are making more money than their spouse. The line of male/ female roles have become blurred directly impacting on the sexuality of men.
Reason #1 He is Depressed
When a man gets depressed he may not feel like he wants to have sex: This can happen to a man, especially if they have lost their job or are going through financial difficulties, this can lower their libido. Many times a man's ego is tied into his career. He may be feeling down because he feels he can no longer provide for his family, or is somehow less of a man.
There is also clinical depression and if a husband is taking medication some drugs will decrease a man's desire for sex. The other side effect is not being able to release during sex. When this happens it can cause him to developed performance anxiety.
As a sex therapist this is one of the problems that my male clients ask me about, "performance anxiety", concerning what medication to take if depressed and possible side effects. There are certainly side effects listed on many anti-depressant medications stating that it can lower libido and make it more difficult to ejaculate.
Since men have their genitals front and center not being able to perform or having control over their penis can create anxiety, not wanting to let down their spouse sexuality. Some women are not sensitive to this and take it personally as though their husbands are no longer attracted to them...
Reason #2 He is No Longer Attracted to His Wife
There are some men whose wives gain weight over time and never lose it. Her overall appearance can affect a man's desire for her; men are much more visual then women when it comes to sex. A woman not taking care of herself and loosing the weight may subconsciously tell her husband that she no longer cares enough about him to look good for her man. Even if a woman puts on a few pounds it is the way that she takes care of herself that matters, still taking the time to put on make-up or dress up for him on occasion. Some women after having children just let themselves go, not taking the time to look nice for their husbands or even for themselves. Feeling sexy or good about oneself is an important part of sexuality and radiating that to your partner will make him feel more attracted to her.
A marriage is about two people working together and helping each other out to stay fit and healthy
If a wife does have a weight problem then her husband should try and help to motivate her to loose the weight instead of possibly punishing her by not having sex with her anymore, this in fact will only aggravate the situation even more. Couples who encourage each other positively when coming to weight gain issues or appearance have a much better sex life when done in a positive way.
Reasons #3 He May Be Having an Affair
If a husband suddenly does not want to have sex with his wife and she suspects that he may be cheating on her then he probably is.
A woman's intuition is always her best friend. Some men are able to cheat and then come home to their wife and continue to have sex with her. As a man gets older, his sex drive may not be what it used to be, so he will not want sex as much. He may want to save having sex for his lover instead of his wife. Cheating can be a result of many issues that get unresolved in a couples marriage. Men cheat for different reasons, but one of the most common reasons is to feel masculine again, to have a woman make him feel good about himself.
Reason #4 He May Be Gay
A man can have sex with his wife in the honeymoon stage or dating, then stop wanting to have sex with her altogether because he realizes that he can't fight his feeling of being gay anymore.
This is not as uncommon as people may think. Men and women are still marring the opposite sex because they are in denial of their sexuality and want to be heterosexual. The man realizes after the honeymoon phase that he is just not able to perform sex with his wife anymore, this leaves her feeling like she is unattractive, and unloved.
Some men don't want to admit that they may be gay and try to get married and live a "normal" life then realizing that they now made a mistake after marriage and children, they turn to drugs and alcohol .