The pumpkin was the Satan pumpkin so for the sidebar I wrote "Ten Facts I Made-Up About The Church of Satan".
Here are ten things about the Church of Satan that I just made up. In fact, I don’t even know if there is a Church of Satan. There may be one, I don’t actually know. Here is my list.
1. Instead of a wafer or bread as a eucharist, they give out chocolate chip cookes at the church of satan.
2. Unfortunately, they don’t have milk instead of wine. That would work well, but they actually still use wine. They just use really cheap wine.
3. Instead of serving the wine in a chalice, they serve it up in a funnel.
4. They don’t have pews at the Church of Satan, they have a bunch of used bean-bag chairs that smell kind-of musty.
5. Mass only lasts a coupla minutes at the Church of Satan.
6. You would think that the high priest at the Church of Satan would wear all black, but one time at mass, I saw pastor Ralph’s underwear waistband and I swear those were white fruit of the looms.
7. Instead of collecting money at the Church of Satan, everyone takes a turn either robbing a liquor store or mugging an old lady.
8. I actually wrote a chapter in the Satanic Bible. I am not a Satanist. I lied in the interview to get the job. Then I wrote a bunch of gibberish. I figure, “Ha, I’m going to heaven for this one. No one since The Charlie Daniel’s Band has beaten the devil this badly”.
9. Unfortunately, I spent the $740.00 I earned writing that chapter on cheap whiskey and instant lotto tickets.
10. After eating a human soul most satanic priests will tell you that it tastes like chicken.
11. The Church of Satan is headquartered in Nigeria. The highest church of Satan in the US is in New Orleans, but not in the nice area. It is located in the basement of a tortilla factory. I guess the rent is cheap.
Headlines Newsview all
South African Pastor, Lesego Daniel,alleged invoked a gay spirit into a male member during a church service. South African Pastor, Lesego Daniel of the End Times ... Full story
The highly sought-after singer reveals her selling point in a recent interview and how she came about it. Nigeria's leading female reggae/dancehall star, Cynthia Morgan has ... Full story
Rev. Juan Andres Quevedo-Bosch, 59, came on pulpit to give Sunday sermon and announced that he is gay and that he is divorcing his wife ... Full story
Rate this article
- Whitney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown tragically passes away aged 22
- Timaya Denies Rape Accusation, Says It Was Consensual
- Afrocandy Exposes Nigerian Pastors Who Are Always On Her P0rn Site
Will the crisis trailing Nigerian singer, Timaya, ever stop? Recently, the lady accusing the singer of rape, Sheila B and a fellow American base lady, ...
Barbara, the babymama of controversial singer, Timaya, seems not to be bothered with the controversies trailing the father of her two children. It is no longer ...
Nigerian singer, Timi Dakolo, has joined his voice with others who have kicked against sexual molestation of women in the society. Timi Dakolo, who has thrown ...
An African adage says, ‘a clear conscience fears no accusation’, but this may not have been the case with controversial radio presenter in Lagos, Ifedayo ...
Ace Nigerian comedian, Bright Okpocha better known as Basketmouth, was recently deep in thought and after a while, he bore his mind to his fans. An ...
The Abuja office of the Department of Petroleum Resources has closed 22 filling stations in the Federal Capital Territory and its environs as a result ...
The hitherto lucrative business that was thriving for Nollywood stars in Nigeria is now being threatened by some upcoming actors and actresses, that are desirous ...
Last week, news went viral online that Nigerian actor, Hanks Anuku, who now lives in Ghana, was arrested in the neighbouring West African country. They were ...
Multiple award-winning singer, Wizkid, has stated that he used to dream of having luxuries of life while growing up. He however disclosed that now that ...